counting down;)
So I am counting down the days til I am out of school. 15 left in case you were wondering. As it comes to the end, I find myself looking around at some of the other staff members and wondering many things. In theatre lots of actors are not nice and many are self absorbed, but for the most part we do the best we can for the good of the show. Well, most of us do. The ones I know anyway. We don't really have time for personal drama to intrude on our job, nor do we have the energy to create it and allow it to consume us for personal gain. The show is what we are hired to do and that's the job we do.
Perhaps I am being naive. Maybe that isn't how we really are, and I only see what I want to see. But I have noticed lately in the academic world that it is not like that. There are a lot of people in the building I am in that would rather create some sort of drama to bring the focus on them rather than keep the focus on the reason why any of us actually have a job there. The students. I thought that was why teachers were there, to share their knowledge with the students. Not to have accolades heaped upon them and great fusses made over them because they are amazing. Nor to have the students adore them above any other teacher. It's not a competition. At least, I didn't think it was.
It is perhaps a very good thing that I am getting out. It is extremely disheartening to walk into the building every day knowing that I will have to deal with those people. I try to avoid it by just doing my job, but apparently that's not good enough. I am in a pensive mood today. I am trying to figure out this transition in my life and also examine my stint for the last four years. I do not know if I got it right in my dealings with others. I think I may be too simple. I cannot comprehend the larger picture of all the underlying machinations that are going on around me. Nor do I have the time or energy to devote to them. I just thought I could come in and do my job within the parameters that are set for me. True, some of those I stretched to the limit when I could. But mostly so the students could go further. Not to raise a banner that says "look at me, I am doing amazing things here and you should bow down before me and give me notice". That seems silly to me.
Even sillier is the fact that I am pondering this:) I am confused by it I guess. Perhaps it is 12 years of Catholic school intruding on my consciousness. We are not above another for we have a higher purpose. Hmmm, ok, so catholics CAN sound kind of pompous. It's a fine line I suppose. All of us do crave that pat on the back for a job well done. I like hearing that I'm doing a good job, but that's not WHY I do it. I don't know.........
Perhaps the simplest distillation of my thoughts is really the fact that in academia you cannot have friends, you can only have co-workers. And that is sad.
15 days. I can do anything for 15 days.
Perhaps I am being naive. Maybe that isn't how we really are, and I only see what I want to see. But I have noticed lately in the academic world that it is not like that. There are a lot of people in the building I am in that would rather create some sort of drama to bring the focus on them rather than keep the focus on the reason why any of us actually have a job there. The students. I thought that was why teachers were there, to share their knowledge with the students. Not to have accolades heaped upon them and great fusses made over them because they are amazing. Nor to have the students adore them above any other teacher. It's not a competition. At least, I didn't think it was.
It is perhaps a very good thing that I am getting out. It is extremely disheartening to walk into the building every day knowing that I will have to deal with those people. I try to avoid it by just doing my job, but apparently that's not good enough. I am in a pensive mood today. I am trying to figure out this transition in my life and also examine my stint for the last four years. I do not know if I got it right in my dealings with others. I think I may be too simple. I cannot comprehend the larger picture of all the underlying machinations that are going on around me. Nor do I have the time or energy to devote to them. I just thought I could come in and do my job within the parameters that are set for me. True, some of those I stretched to the limit when I could. But mostly so the students could go further. Not to raise a banner that says "look at me, I am doing amazing things here and you should bow down before me and give me notice". That seems silly to me.
Even sillier is the fact that I am pondering this:) I am confused by it I guess. Perhaps it is 12 years of Catholic school intruding on my consciousness. We are not above another for we have a higher purpose. Hmmm, ok, so catholics CAN sound kind of pompous. It's a fine line I suppose. All of us do crave that pat on the back for a job well done. I like hearing that I'm doing a good job, but that's not WHY I do it. I don't know.........
Perhaps the simplest distillation of my thoughts is really the fact that in academia you cannot have friends, you can only have co-workers. And that is sad.
15 days. I can do anything for 15 days.
posted by Caren at 4:26 AM
5 Comments:
"...in academia you cannot have friends, you can only have co-workers."
Well ... maybe a few friends? ;)
Can you walk on your hands only for 15 days?
Wow! I'm sorry to hear problems are getting worse there. (Your Facebook tag was what clued me in.) Maybe IT IS best for your sanity that you are changing directions and focusing on something new. ;-)
Change is good..As long as you are aimed in the right direction with a sense of direction.
Are you done counting down yet?
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